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Short skirts, french knickers

Monday, October 03, 2005

Why getting married can be a bad idea

I’ve been in Singapore over the weekend – every morning when I woke up I asked myself if it was Sunday yet so I could come home because Singapore is so awful, so full of puny men and uptight women, and horrible soulless food. I was down for an ex-boyfriend’s wedding. He’s marrying one of those uptight Singaporean girls who gave me a dirty look when I shook her hand at the reception. I felt like saying, “Well, how did you know I give a better blow job than you, you frigid cow,” but I thought I’d try to be nice that day.

I realised then that most of the my ex-boyfriends end up marrying uptight girls. It’s like I scared them off or something, and then they decided they would settle down for a Bree van de Kamp with perfectly plucked eyebrows and manners. Sometimes, they still ring me up and take me out for coffee – all very secretly because their paranoid girlfriends who throw a fit if they knew he was alone with another girl – and they tell me how happy they are. That only lasts about 10 minutes before they start reminiscing about our old times together and laughing about trying to have sex in their crappy Wiras. Then they kiss me on the cheek after paying for dessert, tell me to stay in touch and part ways.

A few months later, an embossed wedding invitation and some sort of attempt of writing my name in calligraphy. So I go along, I dredge up an angpow, eat my share of Chinese dinner and try to avoid the other ugly bachelors on the table.

Once, the groom sneaked out for a cigarette (I say sneaked because his “mother-in-law doesn’t approve”) and caught me trying to run off early. We hid round the back of the restaurant near the rubbish bins, swapped Marlboros and I told him he looked happy. All I remember him saying was, “She doesn’t like giving head” before sighing into a fug of smoke.

And no, I didn’t, in case that’s what you’re thinking. I told him he shouldn’t have dumped me so quickly, nicked another cigarette off him and hopped off round the corner for a taxi. Last I heard, they’re separated and he’s out in town every Ladies’ Night. Matrimony rings absolutely no bells for this KL girl. I stand firm by the idea that eternal happiness is not in a ring – it’s in getting and giving many a good head.

3 Comments:

  • A gud head over wedding....anytime...haha..life's simple pleasure...

    DOOD

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:58 AM  

  • i've gone out with those frigid girls, with eyebrows plucked so thin that they look like ghosts without makeup. spent most of my time (& money) trying to make them happy. never again.

    you're just too good to be true. you're smart, funny & love to give head, where the hell in KL would i find somebody like you?

    silently suffering
    -duress-

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:01 AM  

  • eternal happiness is not a ring
    give him head and watch him sing
    spice it up and go for swings
    true love is nothing but a dream

    Max.

    Rach.. i luv ur 'materials'

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:04 AM  

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